Unicorns and sex?

Majestic unicorns are most commonly white and sparkly, with a large, phallic-like horn (the best part). Many have wings, although this particular breed is much more uncommon. While some believe that majestic unicorns are asexual and they have no reproductive organs and are conceived through sparkles and fairy dust, but this could not be further from the truth. Unicorns are sexual as hell and put out for peanuts (literal peanuts), along with a reversible sequin pillow case that reveals Nic Cage's face when you pet it, Justin Bieber dental floss, a variety pack of soda, or a Beetlejuice sandworm sticker. 

We’re all familiar with the mythical unicorn—a horse with an insanely phallic symbol protruding from its forehead. Typically, a unicorn is bisexual who is down to hook up with generally heterosexual, monogamish couples, often as a no-strings-attached threesome experience arranged in advance. There are also, of course, unicorns of gender-nonconforming types, as well as gay or poly couples who seek out a unicorn arrangement. I, Thomas Williams, have experienced sex with all these types of unicorns.